Sunday, July 22, 2012

What Now?

     I'm feeling a little numb. There's not much left to be done. I have gotten all of Tesslee's pictures developed and my favorites framed and placed in their spots. We had her funeral last week (which has consumed me for some time now.) Tesslee's due date, which I've been dreading for months, was yesterday- and passed silently. We have most of her hospital bills taken care of, and have her beautiful stone designed and waiting. What now? I feel like so much is final and her brief chapter is wrapping up. But I am torn. Everything seems to be over now and I'm just left with all the broken places of my heart to deal with. Everyone is moving on and I'm stuck in a whirlpool with reality spinning all around me. Life seemed to stop in March, and I'm trying desperately to stay afloat and keep up with reality for my dear, little family who needs Mom back.

    That's when I came up with this idea to blog my journey. Actually, I'm sure Tesslee whispered it to me. Although I can't see her, I've felt her with me, often. She knows the struggles I've been left with, and knows me well. It's funny, I've never had a desire to blog before. But after visiting so many  angel moms' blogs trying to find something I can relate to, and also noticing how journal writing lifts some weight off my heart, I've decided to join the blogging community. So, here I go. I will be completely honest with my feelings. I won't sugar-coat anything, but I won't leave out the sweet stuff when I find it, either. I hope that I can be my own personal therapist here and figure out my new normal.

                          ...Thank you, Tesslee, Honey, for looking out for your mom and giving me this idea! I'm excited to start this journey!

1 comment:

  1. I love this idea. Writing brings me a sense of peace that I can't seem to find anywhere else. Even talking it out doesn't seem to help sometimes. But writing, like you said, can be therapeutic. I'm so happy to see you start this blog. I hope over time you can look back and see the little moments in life that you've recorded here when your Angel has been with you. Your family will be blessed from you doing this.

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