I've had some wonderful experiences while learning how to search records, find people and prepare their names for temple work. The veil has been so thin and I have felt guided and led to specific information that would lead me to more, and then more, as I piece together my family's history. Last night was one of those moments I will always hold so dear to my heart.
I had a special moment with Vick as I felt him clearly beside me, guiding my thought process and leading me to finding three babies, all of whom had passed away before they could ever be recorded in a census record. I sat at my computer and sobbed while feeling Vick's message of love for me, and feeling the overwhelming love a mother who had been separated from her children through death felt as her forgotten babies were entered into the temple system. I cannot describe how it felt to be giving these special ones in my family tree this gift. Although I don't know much about them, I have pieced enough together through their records that I feel as though I know them and their children personally. I've gotten so emotional as I've found the death records of some of their children that never made it to adulthood, particularly the infants. That's what keeps me glued to this, understanding the anguish it is, and understanding the need a mother has of seeing and being with her lost child again someday. I realized last night that as difficult as this is to bear, my experience is being used as a tool to search out and ease the burdens of others who have been waiting for hundreds years to have the saving ordinances performed so they can be with their families forever. And while I am serving them, I feel so close to my own children there. They are with me. They are guiding me. The heavy pain in my heart vanishes when they are with me. It's not babies I am missing. It's them, their spirits.
Last night when he was with me, I felt so peaceful and completely alright as I could feel first hand and be a part of what he is doing. He is my child with a different mission. It is such a strange feeling to feel proud of my child, and at the same time can sense that my "child" is far ahead of me on every level.
It was a very special moment while feeling Vick next to me and experiencing the warmth of his spirit, when Ellee came in to get a drink and have a kiss and a hug. She was standing next to where I felt Vick was and it was special to "see" my youngest living child, and also "feel" my youngest spirit child (who is not so young) at the same time -one of those moments I will cherish forever.
I'll do anything I can to feel close to my Heavenly children. I wish I could be in their presence continually. I feel very blessed to have the knowledge of the gospel and to have been able to share in the blessings of the temples while here on the earth. I want to do everything I can to help my ancestors receive the same opportunities, with the Heavenly help of my Vick and my Tesslee.
