A couple weeks ago I had the most vivid, beautiful dream that has stayed with me clearly, without fading. I can still see it as it was in my mind many days ago.
We were all missing Tesslee so greatly, and had her casket in our possession. It was in real time so it had been 18 months that we had said goodbye to her. We couldn't bear it any longer. I opened her casket as the family stood around me. (And this was no gory thing. In our minds this was such an exciting moment to see with our own eyes our beautiful baby who had been preserved in memory only for so long. We were all fully expecting to see bones and ashes.) To my surprise when I peered into the casket there was a beautiful, blonde haired toddler laying perfectly preserved. We were shocked. We then had a conversation asking How could she be so large if she was dead? She HAD to be alive! She was alive! Just then she "awoke" and sat up. Her beautiful clear blue eyes are still etched in my mind. I cannot describe the beauty. She stared at me and smiled, and took my breath away. She didn't speak, just spoke with her eyes the same way her expression spoke to me as I held her little body in the hospital. No words were even needed. It was the most beautiful surreal moment. I took in every curl of her golden yellow locks, and every second as her eyes were fixed on me, and every ounce of her beautiful smile.
This dream has given me so much hope, hope I have lost track of for a long time. That sacred, amazing day when I am reunited with my daughter and can experience babyhood as a mother again will be my greatest joy. My heart does flips trying to comprehend the joy I will feel.
Wishing for another night with my baby girl in my dreams. I live for those moments.
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