Memory of Vick

One of the last memories I have of Victor and me, is the Sunday before we lost him. We went to Mike's parents' mission homecoming sacrament meeting, and after, I dropped Mike and the kids off to visit with the family. I just wanted to go home. I did not feel like talking to any one. I dropped them off and decided to stop at Tesslee's grave on the way home. I sat there and cried while I traced the heart shape we placed in Tesslee's headstone that would represent our future rainbow baby aside all of our handprints. I traced the heart over and over with my finger as I sat in the snow and thought about moving forward with my now rainbow baby and letting Tesslee go. I felt peace, especially as I  noticed that the heart was in the shape of a V for our Victor. I decided there that I would make the most of every minute of this pregnancy and I would move forward and be content letting go of Tesslee's unfinished pregnancy and carrying this new one.

I left and talked to Vick in the car the whole way home. I told him how much I loved him and we were in this together. I remember sitting at the light in Mike's old Caddilac waiting for it to turn green while I sat there and smiled and accepted that this little one and I were in this together and we had this special bond and would be close.

I love that memory.