Laughing

Tonight the kids and I were sitting around the table eating a bedtime snack and I was curious as to what Cade's pear tasted like, by the look on his face. I bit into it. There were no words to describe the intensely-sour flavor. It was so deceiving, I began to laugh. Jefferson wanted to taste it. The face he pulled made me laugh even harder. "What kind of a pear is that?!?!" he forced out, as it had the same effect on him that it had on Cade and me. Soon Kilee wanted in on the fun. Each time one of us took a bite, the laughter grew. I sat there belly-laughing with my kids, over this sour pear that was now almost gone, and suddenly realized I was laughing, and how amazingly awesome it felt to be experiencing an extreme emotion other than anguish!

 For months now I've been trying to get used to this new me I'm being shaped into, and I feel so foreign to myself.  I was relieved to see that there is still a piece of the old Sara, resurfacing. Experiencing this tonight gave me hope for the first time since Tesslee passed, that I won't always have to fake the smiles, there really is genuine happiness to be felt in the future, and I am on the right track. I'm so glad my kids saw their mom laughing that hard. I hope Tesslee saw it, too, and was laughing right along with us.