Well, I would not be true to myself if did not post the feelings I've had the last few days. I've been so angry. I'm so mad that I don't have my baby with me. Why is this even a trial? Losing a baby should not even exist as a trial. It's so wrong on every level. Babies symbolize new life. They are the beginning. The end should not happen before the beginning. Why? Why would God allow me to get my hopes and dreams up, love my little girl with my entire heart, feel her kicking and alive, get our kids so excited to have another sister, when He knew we would not be bringing her home with us. He knew all along. Why? I have had so many people tell me, "You will be so much stronger after this... You are learning so much from this trial... The real test is how we choose to embrace our trials, etc..." Well, I guess I'm failing, then. I've felt so weak lately. I don't want to come out stronger, I just want my baby back.
I shouldn't be feeling like this. I know I should not blame God. I am better than this. This is so hard!
I HATE it when people call this a 'trial'. I feel like many people's "trials" are directly related to bad choices they make (not all, but many). This was something thrown at us that was completely out of our control. The word 'trial' doesn't summarize what we are going through.
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