Rhogam Shot

I walked into the room, about to get the shot I am routinely given within 48 hours of delivering a baby. I've had it many times. The nurse briefed me on it, not realizing I was fully aware of the way the thick syrup feels upon entering my upper buttock. She asked, "So do you know what you're having yet?" The question pricked my heart, but it was only a prick. My heart seemed numb and I was grateful. Her large pregnant belly seemed to mock me. I tried to ignore it. I answered her with, "No, I miscarried it yesterday." I waited for any sort of condolence, but there was none given. It hurt, but I could handle it. I was far, far away in my mind recalling the last time, 8 months ago, I was given this shot.

...Mike held me tight as we walked down the hall passing the framed mother & baby pictures that decorated the walls of the labor and delivery floor. I held Tesslee Bear even tighter, that's what she was given to me for, to fill my empty arms. She was a sorry excuse for a baby, but a treasure at the same time. She was doing her job very well. I squeezed her harder. We were almost to the elevator, when our nurse came running and calling us from behind. "Wait! Millwards, don't leave yet! We forgot to give you your Rhogam shot! I'm glad we caught you!" She pulled me into the closest room, had me bare my buttock, and injected the thick medicine into me. This was it. The cherry on top of this absolutely horrifying nightmare. A shot to whisk me on my way. We exited the hospital numbly...

The cold alcohol pad on my skin brought me back to the present. In a second it was done. I find it interesting that I felt nothing this time. There was nothing more to be felt. My heart had reached its capacity of pain for the day, and I am grateful for that. I wonder if I will ever again have that shot after delivering a living baby. But then again, that's what the Rhogam shot is for, to give me the opportunity to have a pregnancy again.