Regrowth

Around four months after having a baby, my hair begins to shed, and I mean SHED. It's out of control. And it used to scare me, until a stylist told me it is normal and happens to a lot of women after childbirth. Regrowth hairs have always been a nuisance and something I've despised about pregnancy. I've even begrudgingly planned bang hairstyles during certain stages of regrowth because I was so irritated with all the little wispies and owl horns sticking out.

A lot has happened I didn't expect would ever happen to me. I didn't expect that I would have a baby, and then not get to take my baby home. I didn't expect my milk to come in days later, why would it? My baby didn't need it. That seemed beyond cruel. I also didn't expect my hair to fall out months after. To me, those things all fell in the category of "Things you don't have to go through because your baby dies." Well, that category doesn't exist. Everything's the same, the only difference is your baby is missing from the picture. But I'm finding out something beautiful can happen when deprived of what you so desperately desire. Things I once complained about and never noticed the beauty in, are things I now cherish. I found myself welcoming my hair loss and regrowth! I was overjoyed to see actual evidence of my sweet Tesslee's life (that I miss so much!) still lingering inside my body. I love the regrowth my daughter has given me! I love to see proof that she lived, and I was her mother, everytime I look in the mirror.

Everyday as I do my hair, I smile at all my little wispies and my owl horns on the sides of my forehead. I treasure each one of those strands and hope they grow slowly. In fact, I wish I could keep them forever. I'm grateful to see things differently. What's funny is, I didn't know I was blind before, but now I see. It's a blessing to be able to enjoy the little things. Tesslee, thank you for changing me. My life is richer than it ever was, because you shared yours with me.