I want a room that's filled with all kinds of nice things, furniture, bookshelves, glass vases, lamps, end tables, and I want to destroy it all. I want to grab the table and overturn it. I want to push all the books off the shelf and throw them at the window, hopefully breaking it. I want to grab a chair and heave it into the wall. If there are papers stacked nicely I will spill them everywhere. I want to kick in the walls. I want to punch the mirror until it shatters into pieces. Its fine, I don't feel anything. Nothing can hurt more than my shattered heart. I want to rip the pillows apart and tear down the curtains. I want to destroy this beautiful room, then shrink to my knees and cry hard.
And after, I will feel able to get through another day.
Oh Sara, I'm so sorry that your heart is in so much pain right now. Would you like a journal that I've been making to put in our hospital care packages? You can tear out every page and rip it to shreds if that helps. I'm praying for you!
ReplyDelete