Progress

I love seeing my six represented together. This picture speaks my heart tonight. My kids are my love and my life. They take up most of my time each day as I serve them. My heart has two holes I'm learning to live with. But I'm not sad tonight, just living and breathing, and thinking about my children. There is not a moment Vick and Tess are not in my thoughts. And this week has been a week of healing. I've done things I can't believe I did. And I'm healing...on my terms. I wish people could understand that. They can't rush my healing. It has its own time frame and process that even I don't know. But each day my heart heals a tiny bit, and as long as I'm not feeling pressure to do something I'm not ready for, I gather enough strength to take the next step forward. It's a long journey, and I've got some raw spots I need to continue to protect. But its happening.  I'm putting away my desire for another baby, I am a student with a new beginning. I cannot change what has happened, and now I'm going to move forward and accomplish some other dreams I've had. I'm giving myself permission to do that. This wasn't the way I dreamed it would be. Now I'm going to move forward with my life as it is. It feels good to make that decision. Its been looming over me for months. I don't know if it's really my decision or not, but I'm attempting to take control of something that I can: my future. Here's to my six children and my dream of becoming a teacher.